The Problem With Control
Learning to self-regulate at work has been a real pain for a people-pleaser like me. If I am not in control of myself and my environment, then I’m in a moderate state of panic until equilibrium is restored.
The problem is…control. Control is the problem.
For the past several months, I have been on a mission to let go of what is holding me back so I can live my best life. If this sounds like some vague inspiration from a self-help book, that’s because it kind of is. It’s vague because it means something completely different to every person who says it.
“Letting go” means absolutely nothing unless you are truly willing to do the work to find out what it is you need to let go of. And if you don’t do it, you will remain exactly where you are.
Meeting Myself Where I Am
While it has long been my motto to meet people where they are, it had not once occurred to me to do the same for myself.
I could understand an angry client, get on their level, and get us to the other side with little effort or stress on my part. But I could not understand or get on the level of the girl in the mirror. She obviously just needed to get over her issues immediately with no compassion or support whatsoever. She was a real inconvenience, and I could not wait for her to change.
My plan of just “letting it go” wasn’t working. I didn’t understand what I needed to let go of. I just knew something was wrong.
I knew my work and relationships weren’t what they should be. I knew I felt “off.” I knew I wanted something more out of myself.
This is when I started digging.
I had to dig past superficial feelings of frustration, self-deprecation, and stress to get into the root of why I felt this way and start to uncover a new direction.
That’s where I am now…in the roots.
The Payoff Of Discomfort
It’s a true human experience to allow yourself to live fully immersed in the things that make you most uncomfortable.
If discomfort is the price, the payoff is freedom.
The ability to be vulnerable with the knowledge that I will be fine regardless of how others respond is the ultimate freedom for me. The ability to truly love myself in a way I’ve never experienced is life-altering in the best ways possible.
What I thought was a need to decrease my stress at work was actually my mind and body demanding that I get to the source and get better.
And while my work stress has certainly decreased, it’s just a drop in the bucket compared to the overall calm and security I feel about myself.
Comments
2 responses
Fear is my biggest enemy, the fear of the unknown steps to take, the uncertainty of what’s to come, fear of lack of control, and fear of increasing insecurity. Great read & I support you in your journey 💜
Cboss, thank you so much for your support! Fear is often the biggest rock in all of our backpacks!!